38 People Who Absolutely Won’t Be Getting Into Heaven

As the loving creator of all humanity, it saddens me deeply to see my children stray so far from my good and perfect light.

Nevertheless, I am a God who demands justice, and part of demanding justice means casting out people who have done terrible things. People like…

38. The person who ruined this perfectly innocent Tumblr post.

37. This family who hath made unto themselves an idol that is an abomination to the Lord.

36. This young man, who has given into the lusts of the flesh Home Depot lightning section.

35. Whoever made this Tumblr.

34. This poor, damned soul…

33. …and this one as well.

32. This persona, who hath caused me never to be able to eat Capin’ Crunch again.

31. This degenerate gamer.

30. These people, who mock the sanctity of marriage.

29. The person who made this comment.